When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
