Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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