I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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