she looked like the bat from fern gully.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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