She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
