i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize