If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
