he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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