I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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