there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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