Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
