rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
