I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize