I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
