who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
