I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
