you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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