the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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