and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize