we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
