i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
