sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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