Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
