one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
