why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
