is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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