Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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