I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
