People with herpes should wear stickers.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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