mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
