it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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