first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
