Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
