A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
