I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
