I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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