im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
