I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
