the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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