A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
