i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
