I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
only if we run a train.
done.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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