i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
