dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
it was like eating out sand paper
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize