Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
