True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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