My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
