It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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