You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
