god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
