someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
soo... how was my night?
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