Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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