I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
