I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Holy shit dude........stairs
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
