epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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