I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
