I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
