Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
