Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
