after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
