just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize