Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize