I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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