i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
