i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
