i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
