I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
