Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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