he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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