I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
