no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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