I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
