I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize