yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
