He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
