If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
