I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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