i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
