How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
