if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
