1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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