Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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