I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
