2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
