Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
