I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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